الرساله الرابعه: انت منى:

اليوم و قد مر ليال كثيرة و انا ابتظر فيها لقاءنا هذا...
سرت الى جانبه كالطفلة الصغيرة اترنح مع انغام الموسيقى و اتعلق بيده خوفا من ان يهرب الحلم الجميل منى، ضحكت و كأننى لم اضحك من قبل، عرفت لونا جديدا للحياة لم اعهده قط، رأيت العالم من حولى و كأننى لم اطأ قدم فيه قبل ذلك اليوم...
كانت ليلة شتاء يملأها الصقيع و على رغم من ذلك فكنت اشعر بدفء يغمرنى كمولود رضيع بين ذراعى امه..اغمضت عينى لوهلة..و تمنيت ان يكون العالم من حولى ملك لنا...
نعم انه يحبنى..نعم انه بجوارى..انه يعلم جيدا كيف يملأ اركان حياتى بالسعادة..انه يعلم جيدا ان اسعد اوقاتى اقضيها و انا اعيش طفولتى التى بدأت منذ ان عرف الحب قلبى...
يا الله...هل هذا هو الامل الذى لطالما حييت من اجله..اليس هذا هو العالم الذى حلمت به و عشت فيه فوق اوراقى..اليس ذللك هو الحب الذى ذبت عشقا من اجله
كفانى ان اعرف انك اليوم معى و لا يهم ماذا يحمل الى الغد...فاليوم انت منى ..اليوم اشرق صباحا اضاء عالمى بوجودك و اثرى قلبى

بعشق اوقات امضيها و انا عالقة بين قطبى العشق و الامل...اليوم انت منى موجود فهل لى ان احلم بصباح اخر القاك فيه..

ساكتفى بحبك الذى يغمر ليلتى فى سماء العشق و احلم بغدا يحمل الى صوتك يا حبيبى...

لا اعلم...لكنى احبك

لا ادرى اين تذهب الحروف حينما ابحث فيها عن اسمك

لا ادري لما تحتار العقول كلما ذكرت سيرتك

لا ادرى مما تخاف القلوب عندما احكى عن عشقك

لا اعلم و انا لازلت ارتشف اللذه الاولى من حبك

اتدرى الى اين يأخذنى عطرك

اتدرى الى متى اجوب فى طرقات عالمك

اتدرى مما احترق فى ليلك

لا اعلم و انا لازلت احبو برفق فى قلبك

لا ادرى كيف لى ان اسرى فى دمك

لا ادرى هل يوم سيأتى و اقف بجوارك

لا ادرى ان كانت الدنيا ستحمل الى اخبارك

لا اعلم و انا الطفلة الصغيرة تربت فى دربك

اتدرى كم سأم الناس حديثى فى وصفك

اتدرى كم سهرت اتأمل ملامحك

اتدرى كم نسج خيالى فى قصصك

لا اعلم و انا من هام قلبى فى الحب يعدو اليك

الحب..... و اشياء اخرى

من المؤكد علميا و نظريا و من خبرات من سبقونا فاننا نعلم جيدا ان هناك اختلاف جذرى و شامل بين تكوين عقل الجنسين المتصارعين دائما و ابدا على البقاء

لكن يستوفقنا جميعا ظاهرة غريبه..لماذا يولد الحب بين الرجل و المرأة و لكنه سرعان ما يذوب فى طيات الاختلاف الطبيعى لكونهم كائنين مختلفين تماما من حيث التكوين الفكري و الاهداف و الاتجاهات و الدوافع

فعندما نتحدث عن الحب غالبا ما نغفل عن ذكر...الاشياء الاخرى

قد يتفق الرجل و المرأه على هدف معين مثل الزواج مثلا (مع كل احترامى للاراء المختلفة عن كون الزواج هدف ام وسيلة).... و لكن سرعان ما نجد ان تفكير الرجل يذهب فى اتجاه و يندفع تفكير المراه فى الاتجاه المعاكس، و مع ان الهدف واحد لكن التفكير فى اليات التحقيق و النتائج التى ستتبعه و سبل الوصل اليه مختلفة تماما!!

كيف و الهدف واحد...

يرى البعض ان الاختلاف هو امر منطقى بل و الاهم من ذلك هو محاولات الاقناع المستمرة فى انه مكمل لكل العناصر التى يفتقدها الاخر و من ثم يتم توجيه الامور لاقناع انفسهم بان الامور على ما يرام، و عند هذه النقطة فكلاهما يغفل ان هذا الاختلاف الذى يؤدى الى البعد عن تحقيق الهدف الاساسى المتفق عليه

منذ فترة قررت ان اجرى انا و الطرف الاخر اختبار بسيط لقياس مقدرة كل منا على فهم الاخر...فكان على كل منا ان يتقمص شخص الاخر و يتحدث بلسانه و يفكر مثله و يحاول اقناع الطرف الاخر بوجهة نظره...

عمليا كانت نسبة نجاح التجربة لا بأس بها، مما دعانى لكى افكر فى ان كل طرف عليه فى معظم الاحيان و خاصة عند اتخاذ القرارات او فى ظل اى اختلاف قائم بينه و بين الاخر فعلى كل منهم ان يضع نفسه بكامل طاقته فى محل الطرف الثانى ثم يبدأ باعادة النظر الى الامر ذاته...

الهدف من تلك التجربة هو ان يعرف كل من الرجل و المرأه انهم مختلفين فى التكوين العقلى و الترتيب المنطقى لافكارهم و من ثم فيجب عليهم ايجاد نقطة التقاء عند تبادل الادوار

دائما يتسأل كل من الطرفين، اين ذهب الحب الجارف الذى جمع بيننا فى يوم من الايام و تكون غالبا الاجابة المنطقية هى ان مصاعب الحياة الهت كل منا عن التفكير فى مثل هذه الامور و كلما انغمسنا اكثر فى الدنيا كلما تباعدت المسافات، و فى معظم الاحيان يستعوض الطرفين بكلمة العشرة الطيبة عن كلمة الحب فينسى كل منهم

ان ما جمع بينهم اولا كان الحب و ليست الايام....

فى بادئ الامر كان الحب هو الدافع الاساسى لوجود الطرفين معا ثم غفل كل منهم عن مناقشة الاشياء الاخرى، فنسى الطرفين ان يبحثوا عن نقاط الالتفاء الفكرى و المعنوى بينهم و قياس درجة التقارب فى الافكار و العادات و القسائم المشتركة التى تجمع بينهم...بل و الاسواء من ذلك هو ان كل منهم تناسى و غض البصر عن نقاط الاختلاف بدلا من مناقشتها و من هنا بدت الاشياء الاخرى شئ مهمش و ليس عاملا اساسيا فى تكوين العلاقة السليمة...

و بمرور الوقت و مع زيادة حجم التعاملات بين الطرفين اخذ الحب فى الذوبان و انطلقت فى الصعود الاشياء الاخرى لتبرز مفاتن الاختلاف و تشوه العلاقة المبنية على اساس الحب و تحيلها لشئ بعيد تماما عما كان فى مخيلة كل من الطرفين

لذا فكان على ان افكر اليوم فى ان الاشياء الاخرى قد تبدو لى ذات طابع سخيف يشوب مشاعر الحب الجميلة بيننا و لكن اذا اطلقت العنان لها و غضضت الطرف عنها فانها ستنمو مع الوقت لوحش كاسر يلتهم الحب الجميل فيهدم الحلم باكمله...لذا فان اراد الحب يوما البقاء فعلينا ان نفكر جيدا فى كل الاشياء الاخرى

Desperate hallucinations

Don’t you feel sometimes that your mouth cant utter a word despite your head is full of thoughts and words that you want to scream every single letter
Don’t you feel sometimes that you are angry yet you don’t have the luxury of letting it out to the open?
Don’t you feel sometimes that all the letters in the alphabet are never enough to explain all the feelings that are crushing your heart?
Don’t you feel sometimes that you want to bust in tears yet you can't shed any because you know that your tears will hurt someone else
Don’t you feel sometimes that you must hold the pain in your heart to protect someone you love from being hurt?
Don’t you feel sometimes that you just need to talk and he would listen but without opening your mouth
Don’t you feel sometimes that you must play calm when your veins are burning with boiling blood mixed with tears?
Don’t you feel sometimes that you wish that day just passes and carry away all what it holds within?
Don’t you feel sometimes that it is too hard to draw a smile on your face like a clown to hide your tears so he won't see them?
Don’t you feel sometimes that you just wish he could just understand you and feel you and tells you it is going to be alright?
Don’t you hate the feeling of being left out?
Don’t you wish that those moments just pass?
Don’t you hope that it never happened and that was all a big lie?
Don’t you disguise the feeling of the same shit happening all over again and simply you cant do anything to stop it cause you never did and you never will cause also you were never in control

Loosing My Child

From the very first moment I felt our connection,
Another heart was beating deep from inside me,
I can hear his cries calling my name,
I can feel his need for me,
Chasing after those little cries I ran despite my exhausted body from the long journey
Oh my poor baby, I reached out my hand to touch his face, felt my skin melting with his, we were simply merging to become one.
He stretched his small arms to hold on to me, barely opened his eyes to let in the light from my eyes to shine his world
Stiff and firm he squeezed into my soul, consuming all my feelings to start his own,
I held him close to feel his breath on my face, it was so weak, I kissed him on his mouth so that he can breathe from my lungs, it was a matter of seconds when I felt that he was sucking all the air and I didn’t think twice, I was taken away by the one and only feeling to save my child,
Please stay.
Please stay
I cant feel my body any longer,
He was sucking the blood from my veins,
The blood was running away from my fragile body to his
Drop by drop
All that was told later
His eyes were shinning with my spark
With my essence
With my blood
I looked up to him but at that moment I can't touch him anymore
I heard the final call
It was my name
He lived…and I left…

رسائل

مقدمة:

اليوم و قد مضى من العمر كثيرا ما بين صراعات و محاولات لاقلامى و دفاترى استطعت ان اصل الى نقطة البداية...استجمعت من اركان نفسى الاشياء التى كنت اتكئ عليها فى ركن بعيد مظلم و اتخذت القرار ان القى بها بين يديك..نعم لقد اعددت قواى للمواجهة و ها انا ذا اقص عليك ملامحى فى رسائل خاطفة..علها تحمل اليك حبى الذى قد اراح انحناء ظهرى من حمول الرحلة الطويلة...سانزل الحقائب معك واحدة تلو الاخرى الى ان نصل سويا لاجمل رساله حب عرفها الزمان

هذه الرسائل هى نتاج احلامى، مخاوفى، و قطار ايامى التى مضت و لم تكن فيها سوى الحلم الذى طال انتظاره...

لقد اجتزت وقتا طويلا انمق الكلمات و ارتب اقكارى و لكنى قررت اخيرا ان ادع كل هذا لقلمى  ليقص هو عليك ما عجز لسانى عن حمله اليك...سافتح دفاترى القديمة و اتركك تجوب فيها برفق..لا يهم الاحداث و لا الاشخاص فغالبا هم جميعا من نسج خيالى فانا كما تعلم لطالما عشت بينهم و معهم سنين طويلة...

الرساله الاولى: الميلاد:

بعد ان ازحت النوم من عينى، ارحت جفنى قليلا...تسلل الضوء الى اعماقى شيئا فشيئا و كأنه يشق دربا جديدا مخترقا ذلك الجدار العتيد

احسست بالهواء يسرى فى صدرى، اخذت نفسا عميقا و كأننى استنفذ كل الهواء من حولى...

لم ادرك حينها انه قد مضى من الوقت كثيرا و انا غائبة عن العالم.....مرت تلك اللحظات القليله و كأننى لم اتركها قط

تمعنت النظر فى كل ما حولى و كأننى افيق للمرة الاولى...اتفقد كل شئ بنظرة عميقة كمولود يرى الحياة للمرة الاولى

شعرت بالدم يسرى مجددا فى عروقى و كأنه يشق طريقه من جديد فى تلك العروق الوهنة ليبعث فيها روح الحياه

تحسست اناملى برفق حتى لا تفزع منى و كأنما طفل رضيع يشعر بالهواء يداعب انامله للمرة الاولى

نهضت شيئا فشيئا من فراشى...اتحسس مواضع اقدامى..انها خطواتى الاولى..

نظرت حولى قليلا و كأننى اقابل اشيائى للمرة الاولى..مهلا...لازلت فى حيرة من امرى ..الم يخطر ببالك ان هذا هو اللقاء الاول بيننا....

الرساله الثانية: ابحث عنك:

عدت اليوم الى اوراقى فانا لا املك رفيق سواها..لا املك من الدنيا سوى خيط من الاحلام انسجها فى دفترى كل ليلة.. اغمض عينى فاحيا بها الى الصباح. و لكنى املك ايضا دعائى لمولاى عز و جل..اشكو له حالى و هوانى فيشملنى برحمته لأحيا صباحا جديدا

هل ستظل دموعى عالقة فوق وجنتى الى الابد؟ هل سيظل الحزن سجين قلبى الى الابد؟ الى متى ستطاردنى هواجس الخوف؟ الى متى سادفن رأسى فى وسادتى لاخفى دموعى عن كل من حولى و اترك مشاعرى تحيا فوق سطور دفاترى القديمة

لا اعلم اليوم الى اين تأخذنى الايام..اخطو اليك و انا متعبة..محملة باثقال الماضى الذى يأبى ان يترك مخيلتى...نعم جئت ابحث عنك بين اوراقى فاين انت منى...لا اعلم كيف لى ان القى بنفسى فى احضان الليل الطويل و هو لا يحمل لى سوى ذكرى لعمر حزين...هل ضعفى لعنة..لم احتاج اليك..هل ابحث فيك عن عمرى الذى ضاع منى فى دروب الماضى...و لكن كيف لى ان القى بحبى بين يديك و انا حتى لا اعلم من انت..ابى، امى، اخى ام من دمى..كلا..لست واحدا منهم..فكيف لى ان اطمئن على قلبى و انا احمله اليك...

قف..فاننى قادمة اليك..اسير بخطى ثابتة و كأننى اعرف الطريق جيدا..نعم انا اعرفه جيدا...لقد فاض بى الكيل و انا ابحث عن هذا الطريق منذ زمن بعيد فهل تعتقد اننى سافقد اثره اليوم و هو سبيلى الوحيد اليك!!

انتظرنى قليلا فسآتى اليك لنبحث سويا عن حياة لطالما حلمنا بكل الوانها معا...

الرسالة الثالثة: اللقاء الاول:

لا ادرى اين تذهب الحروف حينما ابحث فيها عن اسمك

لا ادري لما تحتار العقول كلما ذكرت سيرتك

لا ادرى مما تخاف القلوب عندما احكى عن عشقك

لا اعلم و انا لازلت ارتشف اللذه الاولى من حبك

اتدرى الى اين يأخذنى عطرك

اتدرى الى متى اجوب فى طرقات عالمك

اتدرى مما احترق فى ليلك

لا اعلم و انا لازلت احبو برفق فى قلبك

لا ادرى كيف لى ان اسرى فى دمك

لا ادرى هل يوم سيأتى و اقف بجوارك

لا ادرى ان كانت الدنيا ستحمل الى اخبارك

لا اعلم و انا الطفلة الصغيرة تربت فى دربك

اتدرى كم سأم الناس حديثى فى وصفك

اتدرى كم سهرت اتأمل ملامحك

اتدرى كم نسج خيالى فى قصصك

لا اعلم و انا من هام قلبى فى الحب يعدو اليك

The platform--episode 1

Episode 1---Finding my way:

On a very hot summer afternoon I was roaming around to find where can I buy a newspaper to take with me on the train, the place was too crowded and the voices were so loud that I can barely hear my thoughts.

While opening my wallet and paying the man the price I saw a woman standing around the corner holding five kids in two hands, she seemed so worn out and almost dying for a bench to throw her body on, I took the papers and started walking towards the platform to wait for my train, I have to memorize this place as I am going to be here everyday at 8.

The clock on the wall strike 7 and I knew it was too early but i would rather come early than miss my train. I recognized that I had a meeting at 12 so I have to work on my way till I reach there, I wasn’t thinking much about that as I was taken by the crowd around me and I thought why not open a conversation with the waiting others and this is what happened on the first day.

I walked to the corner where I found a bench, an old man was sitting alone, holding a hot glass of tea, his blue suit told me that he was a worker and the wrinkles around his eyes meant that he was in the late 50s, I can also count 3 to 4 black hair threads that I can spot under his hat. What amazed me the most is that he had this strange prolonged gaze at the tea as if he was lying under the sun on the beach enjoying his tea on his own…I walked toward him and I smiled and the conversation started with a "good morning ya hag"….

3am Hassan: Saba7 el ward ya benty

Me: Tell me ya hag, howa enta bet7eb el shay awe keda

3am Hassan: yaaaaaaaaaaah, da el yom mayb2ash yom men ghier kobayet el shay dee

(Me: smile)

3am Hassan: y3ny enty sebty el raseef kolo w gety tetkalemy m3a el ragel el 3agooz w sayba shabab zay el ward henak (Smile)

Me: Enta el kheir wel baraka ya 7ag, dana mabsoota enee wa2fa batkalem m3ak

3am Hassan: rabena yekremek ya benty, enty shaklek ray7a balad el ba7r, eb2ee salemee 3lieh w ew3ee el shoghl yakhdek w temsheesh ganbo w teshmee hawah (sigh)

Me: tesda2 ya 7ag, da awel yom leya henak, w lesa mesh 3arfa ha3mel eah, bafakar akalem modeeree yen2lnee hena asahal

3am hassan: shofee ya benty, el safar feeh saba3 fawayed, sa7ee7 ana mesh 3aref eah homa, bs homa alolna kda enohom sab3a, khodee menhom wa7da menee w ermee 7moolek 3al ba7r wenty rag3a w

ed3elee b2a

I smiled and heard the clock strike 8 and it was time for me to go, I greated the old man and waved to him and left. I stepped my foot on the train and searched for my seat, and the moment I placed my tired feet on the ground, I closed my eyes and laid my head back and smiled, I remembered the words of the old man "throw your burdens to the sea and come back empty handed"

Next episode….(The missing bag)

Blocks

All I can see now are loads of blocks that are making it impossible to even see the road ahead,
Blocks that are so high that I can't even seek the blue sky,
Blocks that are so solid that can't allow me to see through,
Blocks that are so strong that I cant even carry them away,
Blocks that are so hard that I cant dig a tunnel within,
Blocks that make me feel how small and weak I am,
Blocks that shows me the truth yet not showing me how to pass to it,
Blocks that bring tears to my eyes that flow and I can't stop them,
Blocks that yell at me that nothing I do is good enough to remove them from my way,
Blocks that made of me a hero to see them standing tall like landmarks and I cant help doing anything but watch,
Blocks that tears the last bond between me and life,
Blocks that keeps everything behind it that I cant even know what is lying on the other of it,
Blocks that are so dull as if it stole all the colors and captured it inside those huge cubes,
Blocks that are so harsh that I can't get near them or I will suffer from ever lasting scars,
Blocks that reflect the reality that I have been always trying to hide or run away from,
Blocks that arrested by smile and held in imprisoned till the day I part, blocks that shows me that finally I can't see anything but…those blocks

Whatever

Scattered pieces of a puzzle on the floor

A line that digs its way across the room

The sun ray that is fading in a dark corner

A foot step that follows another

A hand tied u to the arm hanging from a leg

A black carpet and an empty frame

Traces of smoke near the edge

A dusty piano and a fire place

A bottle of wine but with one glass on the table

A crawling old cat

Piles of papers with blood stains

Rain drops on the aisle

A few words next to a few letters that had no meaning

A dream of a smile on an engraved sad face

It is only an unfinished story that had no end

Or another unfinished tune that cant be ever played

حركة الشباب المستقل-خطوات ايجابية و جادة

Bassma Elrayan
ليك يا بلدى

بما ان كل المصريين نفسهم يشاركوا فى تطور بلدهم و النهوض بها و بشعبها عشان
تبقى احسن

و بما ان كلنا حابيين نساهم فى الحياه السياسيه بشكل عملي

و بما ان كل واحد فينا له صوت مسموح و بيفرق ف الانتخابات

و بما ان الاستفتاء اللي فات كان في ناس كتير قوى مش عارفه هى ليه بتقول اه او لأ

و ناس اكتر منزلتش من اساسه لأنها مش عارفه تقول ايه او مش حاسه ان صوتها هيفرق

و بما ان كلنا متفقين ان الثورة عظيمه بس مش ده اللى احنا كنا عايزينه بالضبط

و بما ان كلنا متفقين ان البلد دى و ناسها يستاهلوا احسن من كده بكتير

و بما اننا عايزين نبقى احسن و كلنا عايزين نبقى سياسيين

فواجب علينا نوعى الناس و نفهمهم علشان مينضحكش عليهم

و واجب علينا قبل اما نعمل حزب نفهم كل اهالينا و جيرانا و الناس اللى حوالينا

و واجب علينا نشتغل صح لجل ما صوتنا يوصل للى فوقينا

و ده طبعا عن طريق كل المصريين اللى هيفهموا حقوقهم القانونيه و الانسانيه و واجباتهم تجاه بلدنا اغلى ما لينا

و لأن كل واحد فينا يقدر يساعد بحاجه

و لأن كل واحد فينا لازم لبلده يعمل حاجه

ولأننا لازم نشتغل صح و مفيش قدامنا وقت نضيعه

و بما ان كل قصور الثقافه مفتوحه لتوعيه الناس سياسيا

ولأن فى شيوخ كتير متفقين معانا في فكرنا الوسطى الديمقراطى

ولأن فى متخصصيين هيدربونا و يشرحولنا مفاهيم سياسيه و حقوقيه

ولأن في أساتذة تنميه بشريه هيدربونا ازاى نوعى المجتمع و نتعامل مع الشارع بصفه عامه و السيايه بصفه خاصه

و لأن كل واحد فينا وجوده هيفرق ف مستقبل البلد

ارجوك ما تبخلش و ساهم معانا بوقتك و مجهودك

التدريب هيكون ف الدقى

و لمده 4 ايام

منهم يومين مسائى 4 ساعات ف اليوم و غالبا هيكونوا اربع و خميس

و يومين من 10 ل 6 و غالبا ما هيكونوا جمعه و سبت

و المجموعه من 20 مصرى بمختلف الثقافات و الاهداف و الافكار السياسيه او من غير و من مختلف المجالات و الاعمار و الدراسات و متفقين ف كونهم مصريين بيحبوا البلد و عايزين مصر تبقى احسن

و بعدين نبدأ الشغل

اشطر 2 او 3 فى المجموعه هيساعدوا ف تدريب المجموعه اللى بعد كده طبعا مع الاساتذة و الدكاترة المتخصصيين

و اللى ميقدرش ينزل يوعى الناس ف الشارع ممكن يعمل عمل سيكرتاريه ان شاء الله ساعتين ف اليوم تطوعا و هو اللى يحدد جدوله لنفسه بس مطلوب منه يلتزم بيه

و اللى مش قادر لا على ده و لا على ده و حابب يساهم ماديا عشان هنعمل كتب توعيه سياسيه بلغه الشارع ممكن قوى و يبقى كتر خيره

و على فكرة التدريبات مجانيه كله ف حب الوطن

مطلوب منك دلوقتى لو حابب تشارك لأننا هنبدأخلال ايم تبعت لى اسمك و رقم تليفونك و بريدك الالكترونى و اسم المنطقه اللى انت ساكن فيها و يا حبذا لو علاقتك بالسكان هناك و تصورك لنوعيه الناس اللى فيها و لو فى مراكز شباب قريبه ليك و تقر استعدادك للعمل التطوعى فى سبيل بلدك "مصر" لو غاليه عندك شارك معانا لأنهنا محتجالنا كلنا


ابعت لى ايميل بعنوان ليك يا بلدى على

bassmaelrayan@yahoo.com

Egypt---how to pass on from the cross roads--my humble point of view

This afternoon while I am in that status; as of course that I am unemployed thank god, I had this idea, Cairo Stadium…don’t laugh…just hear me to the very end of it and then judge
I saw people, millions just sitting and camping in Cairo Stadium where no one can tell them you are hindering the progress or against the re-building of our country. If we can just STAND there like we did in Tahrir for ONE FRIDAY and from there have a podium and we already have a screen and take it from there, here is what I thought of:
Location: Cairo Stadium-Suggestion
Required Number of attendees: the more the better but not less than 1 Million
Objective: Continue the unfinished and reach the rest of the resting people and to talk in simple words to reach everyone at home with no big words
What is it: Press conference where we already have the giant monitor and the tools to go “live” on National TV and say what we cant say in the streets due to the power of “thugs” on all levels
Urgent Presence: All of those who were there in 25th of Jan and among them all the parties aside from MB
What do we want now with a time frame….

1. Public Trials for: Mubarak and his family (Max by June 2011), El Adly and his crew (Max by 15th  of May 2011), Fathy Soroor, Safwat El Sherif and Zakareya Azmy and Ministers who were pressed charges against them (Max  by end of April 2011), Business Men in trials (Max by Mid April 2011). And all that applies
2. Denial, termination and Rejection of the Democratic Parties membership and the deprive of all its listed and announced members to take part in the political system for at least 5 years
3. Ministry of Defense in Alliance with Ministry of Interior: Formulation and announcement of Anti Thugs campaign (Max by 10th of April) in an organized way which entails forming groups along the map with a plan to kill this in a period of max 40 days from the announcement of commencing their activities. حملة لمواجهة البطجة
4. The protection of summits and functions that will be held by parties to address the public
5. The Army as in charge to:
   1. Enforce a law to allow each party for max participation in the parliament of 10% and independent members to be limited to 5% (or something along these lines)
   2. Enforce a law of immediate penalty against any Media channel that directly influences the public opinion using religious implications or participating in spreading rumors or insulting a public figure
   3. Immediate transfer of the MF from the accounts of those who were accused guilty from the above mentioned to the National Treasury of Egypt and the Central Bank
   4. Enforce and take immediate actions against anyone who breaks the law on all levels from stealing lands or murders and so on and so forth
   5. Enforce an immediate law for those who refuse to go on with their jobs from governmental authorities or MOI to be penalized at once

This is my opinion and what I have came up with after we reached that stage, we don’t want to sit and fight against one another, we would rather continue what we have already started
I am not ofcourse a person of law or politics so the way of putting it was so simple yet we can re-frame it , especially the time frame that needs a legal point of view
I don’t belong to any party and I am not an activist or a political expert but this is my point of view that may be of value to pass this cross road era

رساله غرام

قد لا اكون الاجدر بالحديث عنك لكنى اعلم جيدا انى ساحدثك من قلبى

قد لا اكون سياسا او اقتصاديا او حتى املك من العلم أو اوتيت منه ما يكفي

قد لا اجيد اللعب بالكلمات او رصد الحقائق او سرد الاحداث

و لكنى اعلم جيدا انى ساحدثك من قلبى

قد تكون ملكتى فى الوصف ضعيفة او تكون لغتى ركيكة

و من الممكن ان اكون اخفقت فى حقك يوما

او سرت فى طريقى و لم ابالى

و لكنى اعلم جيدا انى ساحدثك من قلبى

و اليوم....و لم اكن اعلم انه اليوم

جئت اليك احبو و امد يدى يا امى

 احبك ...نعم احبك

قلتها يوما فسخر الجمع منى

احبك...نعم احبك

و لا يهمنى اليوم فى حبك لومة لائم

احبك...نعم احبك

و ساجمع من قلبى الحب لاهديه اليك يا امى

احبك...نعم احبك

سأجوب الطرقات حاملا حبك فوق رأسى

وأدافع عن حبى و لو كلفنى ما تبقى من عمرى

و اقولها على الملأ ....

احبك...نعم احبك

Falling in love is just a state of mind

Falling in love is just a state of mind
Falling in love depends on the chemical composition of your brain at a certain time, it gives u impulses that you need something so bad and that thing shows clear that you think that you are in love
You don’t need someone in your life to be in love, this is the greatest mind game ever
You need to open your heart and think positive and see bright and when your brain starts recognizing these impulses it sends signals to the heart that you are in love, sometimes by coincidence when this happens you start thinking about someone in specific, may be because that someone shared moments with you or may be because you like them, but definitely it is you that is sending the signs of love cause your brain and heart and in that state of mind
If you watch a romantic movie and your heart starts to tickle, that means that because your eyes have witnessed on screen something and because of course that movie shows you how great and sweet love is, again you start thinking about love…and how you are in love, and may be this time you will feel the need and the urge to have someone with you
Love is a combination of needs that any person on earth long for but again it is not a pure feeling that strikes your heart and that silly crap that we all think it is…It starts by the need and the readiness of your brain to be in love and then you take the cycle of wanting something that you see in a movie or listen to from a song or a story from a friend, then your brain starts moving in this direction finding who is also in this status within your zone of comfort, and when you find that someone your brain starts receiving all the signals that this is the one cause simply this is what you want and not the truth of what is there….
So what I was thinking about is that you don’t need someone in your life to complete your love feeling, you can be in love for the sake of love, as you can direct your mind and control it in a way to make use of those impulses to love worthwhile things, like loving your life (Satisfaction), loving your family (Family bonding), loving to do right things (being good), loving your job (to be good at it), and finally if that one person….But wait…If that one person only is the right one for you…not just you are in love with them…how can you do this!! Of yes…isolate your decisions from your needs…Look at the whole picture without thinking of what you want and what you need ….
Love is a state of mind…..

I want you…my fairy tale

I want the one who would take my hand to cross the road
I want the one who would kiss me on my forehead good night
I want the one who would wipe my tears when they run down my face
I want the one who would hold my head in his palms to tell me it is going to be ok
I want the one whowould watch me sleep
I want the one who would bow and ask my hand to dance
I want the one who would hold me at night just to make sure I am safe in his arms
I want the one who would watch a movie with me on a Thursday night
I want the one who would take me to dinner on a Friday evening just for a nice chat
I want the one who would look at me as If I am the only born woman for eternity
I want the one who would be my shoulder to leap on when I want to reach
I want the one who would be my eyes to read a book when I cant read no more
I want the one who would love me for I am and who I was and not for who he wants me to be
I want the one who would take care of me as if my mother is there for me till the end of time
I want the one who would share with me the thoughts and talks as if no friend could ever be
I want the one who can feel my heart beat without my mouth uttering a word
I want the one who would look me in the eye and understand what I mean without me having to explain
I want the one who be there for me when no one else is around
I want the one who would share my loss as if I am on the top of my triumph
I want the one who would share my happiness as if no happy moments could ever be
I want the one who would call my name and I would feel him even when he is not around me
I want the one who would pull the chair to seat me first and stand out of courtesy when I do
I want the one who would buy me a flower and not a diamond ring
I want the one who would know how I feel and understand how it should be
I want you…my fairy tale

Time....Only Time

If time and only time can take the best moments away
If time and only time can bring us back together again
If time can break the wings of a dove
If time can mend it back again
If time can be stolen and then returned again
If we only know the reason why time passes
If we only know the reason why time cant be redeemed
If you can do just one last thing to make a dying one happy
If you can do all it takes to make it to the end of the line
Why cant it be like forever
Why cant you do this and forget about time
Why cant you live as if you are dying tomorrow
Why cant you give as if you are living forever
Why cant you make someone happy as if they were dying the next moment
Why cant you do all it takes as if it is the end of line
Why cant we eliminate the word time
Why cant we rename time to be forever
Why cant we keep it as long as we live
Think about it, it is worth a thought

Inspired from: Sweet November & Autumn in New York….Time, it is all about time!

From Sweet November:

Who can say where the road goes, Where the day flows? Only time...
And who can say if your love grows, As your heart chose? Only time...
Who can say why your heart sighs, As your love flies? Only time...
And who can say why your heart cries, When your love dies? Only time...
Who can say when the roads meet, That love might be, In your heart.
And who can say when the day sleeps, If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...
Who Knows? Only Time

From Autumn in New York:
1. He fell in love for the first time... she fell in love forever
2. Emily Dickson:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

Howa Fee eah?!

howa sa7ee7 is it true en el shater mesh howa elee mesh beyghlat (3shan tab3an we are all human w benghlat) la2 el shater howa elee bey3raf yedaree ghalato 3an el nas??
ya3nee shetan w labes wesh malak?
y3anee erhabee w bey2olee batakee elah?
ya3nee 7aramee w ye2ool bashtaghal?
ya3nee mortashee w ye2ool el zeroof?
ya3nee wa7da mo7agaba w betsa7eb welad?
ya3nee seyasee 3azeem el nas tesa2aflo w howa bey7areb w ye2tel abrya2?
ya3nee mas2ool 3an el nas el ghalaba w howa beysara2hom!!!
Tab law el sa7 enee maghlatsh tab ezay akoon ensan...w lieh fee 7aga esmaha toba
tab law el sa7 enee aghlat tb ezay akdeb 3al nas wamasel dor mesh doree 3shan a3eesh fe westohom malak wana bakdeb 3la nafsee w 3la rabena
tab law el sa7 enee adaree ghalatee w eza boleetom fastatero tb ya3nee el sa7 enee a3mel el ghalat bs adaree
tb law el sa7 enee akabar men kalam el nas wa3mel el sa7 mahma kan tb w lma aghlat zay ay ensan a3mel eah!!!adary nafsy wara mask w a3mel habla wala awageh el nas wab2a beg7a!!!
7ad yefahmnee howa fee eah????? 

He and she!!Relationship complications!!!

I read this thing a girl wrote today and she inspired me to write this:

Men are so strange and poor woman ; she is stuck within his vicious circles

He asks her out and she says yes, then she is naïve and if she says no she is arrogant
He asks her for a picture, she gives him one and she is stupid and if she doesn’t she is playing games
He asks her to be his girlfriend and go with him, she does and she is an easy catch and if she doesn’t then she is complicated
He asks her to kiss her, she does and she is cheap and if she doesn’t she is pretending that she never did this before
He asks her to tell him all the past, she does and he never understands and brings up that subject on every time they fight and if she doesn’t then she is hiding something big and she doesn’t deserve his trust
He asks her to go out with her friends and be nice, she does and she he blames her for trying to show off and embarrass him and if she doesn’t then she is boring and she doesn’t like his friends
He asks her to go out with him till a late hour and make up excuses for her parents, she does and he thinks she is a bitch and if she doesn’t she is complicated and not modern
He asks her to talk to him over the phone, she does and she is chasing after him and If she doesn’t then she doesn’t care
He asks her about her friends, she tells him the truth and she is shallow and if she doesn’t then her friends are bad
He asks her not to lie, she tells the truth and she is either exaggerating or she is making up stories and if she lied then she doesn’t trust him
He asks her to keep her temper, she does and she is cold blooded and if she goes mad she is crazy and he can’t go on…

Moreover, he gives himself all the rights that he deprives her from;
The least is that he asks her not to have boy friends and he gives himself the right to flirt with 10 thousand girls!!!

I am not sure what men really want women to do, but either you say something and you mean it and act upon it or quit your silly games which unfortunately all women understand now!!!
Give us a break!!!

A Message to Media and Public Figures

Media Figures and Writers and Public figures!!Watch out from the influence of ur words,
I am not with or against but i will say my opinion in simple words, the writers and the public figures shud be more realistic and constructive, any articles as i can see from the comments dont aim to state a point of view only (or at least most of them so i am not prejudice), and i am talking about both articles those that are with and against the revolution, some of them are only there to create the gap between us and make us fight against one another for defending a point of view, and some of them does this without the bad intention
Anyone who really cares about this country and is really honest esp from those who know that others read for them/watch them shud find a way to write things to get ppl together on a common benefit or interest that is constructive or just shut the f up and let each one think on thier own instead of trying to use the influence of ppl's respect and emotions to direct them in an opposite direction
I am not saying dont state ur point of view, but being held in such a critical place puts a heavy load on ur shoulder on what to say and when....I am not also depriving u from ur rights as free citizens to express but i am calling on ur rational thinking to calculate the influence of ur words ahead!!!
And again i am not saying to direct things whether against or with, if we cant write about things that bring the public voice to unite then better not write at all, this is very critical and this is the supreme power of influence that God will hold u responsible for, think before u keep on widening the gap!!!
Lets all agree first that we all love this country and each in his own way, no one wants things to go bad or loose, dont mis-use the power of ur words,ur viewership profile or even the loud voice to widen the gap in the public opinion and stimulate the contradiction among people, this is not the real role of you guys, the real role is uniting people to positive constructive roles and eleminating the voice of contradiction that is beside showing facts (which is ok ofcourse,but not the time for it as you can that everyone now who wants to know anything they can search and know)
Your role and ur word is a "Mission" and the more u have influence the more u can use it in a constructive way!!
Please think and if your clear mind tells you that what u r doing is right and ur role is to help turn ppl against one another then do it but if not then u shud step aside and think how you can bring this country back together as much as u can.
God Bless Egypt

I believe

Walking down the woods she made a wish upon the stars
She walked down the stream and flowers were all around
She stood next to the chapel and she closed her eyes
Why am I here or am I awake?
The dress was whiter than snow
Glowing more than a shooting star
The sound of music was so sincere
The sun was shinning all the way down the valley
And suddenly a rain drop fell on her shoulder
She turned her head and smiled
The way back home seemed too long
Was that a dream or were this meant to be?
The morning rays broke down the window
Fresh and joyful so was she
Down the woods she took the road again
She stood there smiling with a tear on her cheek
And from behind she heard that voice
You are awake and yes it is meant to be
She turned her face and heard the music again
Their lips melted and in his arms she vanished
She screamed from within, yes I believe in fairy tales
This is true and yes you are my world
It was a dream I had and today it came true

Yes it happened and it was meant to be

Latin Heat

am in love with love
I can hear latin tango in my ears and close my eyes and see myself in a simple red dress dancing on the sea shore and wind blowing my hair,i can feel the air feeling my lungs,i can feel the sand in my toes, i can see the stars so bright in the sky, i can smell the sea salt mixed with the chill of love
I can close my eyes and taste love, i dip my finger in a bowl of chocolate and feel its taste melting through my viens
I can hear the sweetest love words crawling through my ears, drfiting to my soul and casting my heart away
I can see you holding my hand and without watching our steps we are just taken away with the sense of tango beat
Your hands are are gently moving on my hair as if you are playing with the wind to keep it flying in the air
The stars are still shinning and the moon is hiding behing those lonely clouds
Not a word to utter but a whole conversation was lingering on
I can hear your heart beat with the single note of the crying guitar
Mi amor...i dont know spanish and neither do you
But the latin heat is burning the night with passion that i swear i can understand it when you say

Mi amor...la noche es nuestra
My love...the night is ours
Can you smell the love like i do
Will you love me the next moment or at least till dawn will you stay
Love me tonight, kiss me, take me away to the latin fire of passion
Mi Amor...la noche es nuestra

Strong

When i am sure i am strong i know i am dead inside out
A river of tears that has no end
A pool of fears felt from a distance
A scream of help that was never heard
When i needed you the most you didnt hear me call
And when i reached my hand you just let me fall
It ends with a bag packed and ready to go
It ends with a smile that fades with the moment i go
It ends with a scare that leaves no space for more to come
It ends with a trust that is lost when it wasnt found
You held yourself up high on my shoulder to cry
And when the world heard you
You chose to walk away
And now
I know I am strong but that is because i know
I am dead inside out
I am a ghost that will never been seen again
A ghost that is dead but strong

There it Ended....Here it started

Without love I am so consumed and burned
A heart beat following the next
Cant hear them rhythm like they used to be
Cant see the sun rays shine so bright like before
The flame of fire isn’t glowing
The wind aint so strong
The music pulls the strings of my heart
I feel it in every inch of my body
Rise again
Feel again
Long lasting dreams are not over
The sighs of silence will move again
The music plays the strings of my soul
I feel it corner my silent room
Rise again
Feel again
I will stretch my hands out and call again
I will close my eyes and dream again
I will cross the fairy tales’ borders
Beautiful release
Empty veins and weightless moves
I feel it again
It is rising again
I am in the arms of my dreams
And this is where I shall stay
I will make it up with no lies and no escapes
Just a relief of madness that brings me to my comfort
It is rising again
I feel it again
The sweet and simple truth of where I belong
And here shall I stay
It is always there and it will last till the end of time
It is here again
I feel it again

The Great Commedian

The face that can make you smile

Is the same face that sheds a tear

The smile that digs the joy to your heart

Is the same smile that digs the pain out his soul

The merry time that you spend watching him

Is the same time that is cut from his life

The place where you go and have fun

Is the same place that hides his fears

The bliss of your life

Is the same curse of another

A smile that he draws on your face

Hides the tears that run across his heart

If you gaze at the other side of your delight

You will shed the light of his spears

Put your life glasses on

And if you can only see through

You will see your smile in his tears

His heart is broken and your is mended with his trepidations

                                           

Inspired by the story I am watching now of the great comedian Ismail Yassin

Lines & Shades

I took the pen in my hand again and started to draw some lines

I tried to connect them but they were scattered all over the page

I shaded the sides but they where hiding the lines

I looked at the lines and the shades and I saw a face

A familiar face that I used to know

Although I can’t tell who are you but I guess I know you

I can see the eyes looking so deep through me

Asking questions that I can’t answer

I am hallucinating, am I not?

I know you can hear me but I can’t be sure you are here

I wish I can touch you

I wish I can hold you

I wish I can tear that paper and bring you back to life

I lost you forever and that is the truth

I must face it, this is not where you belong

I looked back on the lines and you were gone

Wish you could stay much longer

But I know you weren’t meant to stay

Inspirations & Halucinations

Inspired by my muse thanks to her I am sitting today to write again…I am not sure how this happens, I mean the muse thing, it is more or less when u just keep your mouth shut, sitting in a very silent room and you can still hear voices in your head…so loud that you cant stop them. So basically what I do when I feel that I can’t get rid of those pester voices I open a new word document and I start to write. I recall in the past that I used to hold my pen and papers, but now for sure things have evoluted in the revolution of technology and became much easier, though I miss the old fashion of writing in the book and using my magic pen. (Remind me later on to tell you the story of the old fashion).

Sometimes when I am writing I am so much affected by so many things around me, even the slightest things that others may not notice on their daily walks through their lives, a movie, a scene, a cat in the street, a note from a friend, a story of a friend, personal incidents, or even a passing by insect may inspire me.

It is not the story now of how do I get inspired or why do I write; it is more of what I am writing. Let me tell you a small secret that I have been holding in my heart for so long, a few years ago I had this idea of writing a book, that was a brilliant inspiration from a friend I knew and he was so encouraging me on how perfectly said and neat my words are, I was super excited and I felt that finally I have reached the point where I found a real dream to chase after, an objective to live for and a mission to accomplish.

Surprisingly enough, I started every night to hold my pen and papers to write, many thoughts and many ideas came rushing through my head like a marching army!

And here is the good part, each time I reach to the 3^rd or the 4^th page, I start crying and my hands start shaking as if I was haunted by an anti-inspirational soul!

Days pass, I try again and again, no use, I just can’t things done. I guess my friend May will recall that till this last year 2008 I was still insisting that I can do it, and she was so much enthusiastic about it and she even offered me a hand in the editing….Till this very moment, I cant get past the 4^th page, and for no reason, I just cant do it.

I started writing my diaries, just like Bridget Jones (may be she was just more into the descriptive style) when I was 12, it was more or less small things unorganized that when I read them now I keep laughing like crazy. Today, I am at a fair age, at least to express in a neat way, and may be I gained some more vocabulary or even some more experience to pull some strings and write about things that really do matter. But again, the problem is I am still writing about what inspires me, regardless how small that thing is or how silly it could even seem to others!

I am sitting today again with me, my favorite person on earth to sit with (regardless of those judgmental perceptions that you may think I am egoistic or introvert) to start again what I wanted to do a few years back. So wish me luck this time that muse doesn’t leave home or curse me with her anti-inspirational power till I am done, or at least to pass the 4^th page.

I am not wishing upon a star to be "ernest hemingway" or "paulo coelho" or even "Danielle Steel" and ofcourse i am not the type of "Steven King" or will i ever reach the rational of "Dr. Steven Covey", i am only wishing upon a star that i can reach my "final destination" of my "Vanilla Sky" to my world of passion my "Neverland" with all my "Pride and Prejudice" and "Basic Instinct".....hehehe ...just thought of adding a little bit of humor to my sad wish to lift it up with some merry thoughts!

Roads

Roads we take

Roads we walk

Roads we watch

Roads we cross

Roads we pass

Roads we miss

Roads we choose

Roads we bypass

Roads we seize

Roads we tramp

Roads we crawl

They are all Roads

Roads that Lead

Roads that escort

Roads that delude

Roads that vanished

Roads that Start

Roads that end

Roads that exist

They are all Roads

We take the Road and we never know which road is it

We leave the Road and we want to know where it will lead to

We pass the Road and we wish we never did

We seize the Road and we want it to escort us

We cross the Road and we wish it wont delude

We watch the Road and we don’t know when it will start or end

We crawl down the Road though sometimes it never exists

They are all Roads...

Once Upon a "Rainy Day"

The waves are high

The sea is unclear

The clouds are wrapping the sky

I look up

I open my mouth to talk

My letters chock

I embrace my words

But I still cant talk

I look up

A light shows from far away

A ship is getting close to the shore

I can see the light

Though it is sinking in the fog

I open my mouth to talk

My letters chock

But I still cant talk

I look up

The sailors appear

The wind blows so high

Closer and closer they approach

Still the image isn’t clear

I open my mouth to talk

My letters chock

But I still cant talk

I look up

He gives me and hand

He lets me on board

He holds me so tight

But I cant feel his warmth

I open my mouth to talk

My letters chock

But I still cant talk

I look up

He wiped my tears

He covered my shoulders

He sat next to me

But I cant see his face

I open my mouth to talk

My letters slither

Don’t worry he says

I ask him to wait

He smiles at and says

Don’t worry

I will never let go

I open my mouth

My letters incite

And yes I can talk

Strangled

Torn between the poles of you

Yes you are mistaken

Yes you can do

The right is relative and the wrong it too

Believe it or not why shouldn’t you

If you can strangle your self with the lines of the truthful needs

Then you can also shed the curtains on the shades of the shoving desires

The right is relative and the wrong it too

Believe it or not why should you

Pity that you cant hold on to the core

Sad that you cant reach the shore

Beware that this was you and no more

The right is relative and the wrong it too

Believe it or not why shouldn’t you

If you can reveal the cover of the grave

If you can see the lines that will arrive

Be sure it is what you crave

The right is relative and the wrong it too

Believe it or not why shouldn’t you

They tell you what to do

They strive for you to act

Yes or Yes not!

Torn between the poles of you

Yes you are mistaken

Yes you can do